Cougar Beat

Cougar Beat!

I have a great idea for a new magazine aimed at frustrated AND sarcastic house wives. It would be so much more realistic than all those Ladies Home Journal type magazines, not to mention television shows that are "suppose" to be reality based showing housewives from New York, or California. Let's get real people!

It would be a combination of Tiger Beat, Mad Magazine, The Onion. We need glossy pictures and
"posters included" sections of Hugh Laurie, Daniel Craig, Pierce Brosnan (I must have a thing for Brits). I want to wall paper my bedroom like I did way back when. But instead of David Cassidy, Bobby Sherman and Donny Osmond (although Donny has some good staying power in the looks department and could be grandfathered in), I would use men who better reflect my mature sophisticated adult taste.

Do you think my husband will mind? If I position the poster of Hugh Laurie just right I will be able to discreetly open only one eye during love making. I guess I could play fair and let my husband put up some posters too? Who would he pick? Who cares? Not me.

The glossy, picture filled magazine would also be known for what it absolutely will NOT include: No damn recipes, no promises on how to improve your body, do your stupid make up, get better in bed, make him better in bed, raise concientious kids, arts and crafts for adults or kids. Instead lets make up funny quizzes like "What Kind: What kind of mother are you? A. I forgot to take my son to his piano lesson today.
B. I ran the dishwasher with only 2 dishes in it.
C. I ate a bag of pretzels while typing a stupid blog
D. I got my nails done, did lunch with friends and went shopping.

I am A, B, and C. I hate anyone who answered D, and they know who they are, and they are not the market for my new magazine. I need a fantasy life because this real one is just too much. I think I need the life of whoever would have answered D. Those are the women on those housewife shows and that is why I cannot relate to any of them. Real housewives would not be nearly as boring!

Other samples "What Kind" quiz:

What kind of wife are you?
What kind of daughter are you?
What kind of friend are you?
What kind of self obessessed materialistic superficial reality watching back stabbing friend are you? (for those "friends" we all end up with but don't know how we got, you know the ones without the return receipts).




So, if anyone would like to join me in coordinating this new magazine and feeding the hungry dark monster mother hiding in all of us, please contact me. I can't wait to hear about how we never "emotionally" graduated high school and the stories of backstabbing, social climbing, women still looking to be popular.

You know your popular if:

A. You were invited to an adult party on a Saturday night.
B. Your kid is invited to a birthday party every weekend.
C. You are always in a group of friends on School Night talking about the latest whatever
D. Your cell phone rings all the time.
E. You are not sitting alone writing a stupid blog and eating a bag of pretzels.

See ya later. I gotta go give someone 140 dollars to highlight my hair. What recession??? I am about to start a successful magazine. Cougar Beat: Roaarrrrrrr