Decisions, Decisions, Decisions....

It all boils down to one thing:

Making the Decision.

Let me rephrase that:

MAKING THE DECISIONS!

It does not matter what it is:

Becoming Thinner aka dieting.

Getting a New Job.

Writing a Novel.

Being Nicer.

Getting in Shape.

Staying Married.

Getting Divorced.

Reading a Book.

Having an affair.

Everything except who you love. Let's face it some people are just totally lovable and some people are not. Some people will get on your nerves no matter what they do or say. There is nothing you can do about it. You cannot force yourself to like someone you find unlikable. The solution to that problem is to just let someone else love them. This acceptance of your own limitations as well as theirs seems to be the only viable answer. After all each one of us is THAT person for someone else. Yet, most of us manage to find individuals and groups where we are welcomed, appreciated, and loved. However, what happens if a particular "group" grows into a political party. Which I believe is what has happened in our current society. No matter what the Democrats say or do, the Republicans "cannot stand" them and visa versa. The idea of being in a work place/country where we all have to get along for the greater good is becoming more and more difficult since we cannot "decide" to just get on with it and get along.

As hard as I tried, I cannot and will not ever appreciate George W. Bush. And on the other side of the fence is a large group that will never ever appreciate Bill Clinton. So where does that leave "our company of the United States of America?" Some of us will decide to cheat (on our taxes or our spouses), some of us will decide to stick it out for the sake of the children, some of us will decide to burn off the energy created by all this animosity by exercising, or avoiding the newspapers and focusing on reality shows. A whole a bunch of decisions, some good, some bad and all because there is one thing we cannot decide to do, tolerate our diversity. I do not mean our racial or ethnic diversity. I mean our moral and emotional diversities.

Perhaps the polarization we see in our political lives is this one element of human nature magnified, and multiplied. Now it is metastatic and no one is looking for a cure. Can we, liberals and conservatives, make a joint decision to at least look for a cure?

Roberta's Reality

Once a routine becomes old it becomes useless by virtue of its age. It becomes so automatic the energy driving it naturally reduces over time and the routine that initially motivated us to engage in a a healthy new habit, begins to self destruct when it turns into a mindless activity. Suddenly, without warning we are simply going through the motions. Effectiveness is destroyed by mindlessness. This is basically how I interpreted what Roberta was trying to tell me. I hope I got it right. It was her way of explaining to me why I needed to change something I had been doing for years but was no longer helping me the way it once did.

"Stop judging something on the merit of how long it lasts and start appreciating it only as long as it is effective." Roberta said. Once it is not longer effective then change becomes necessary for survival. No wonder she is so smart in the sciences. It was beginning to make sense.

I always saw change as bad but that would mean adaptation , survival of the fittest is bogus. Who the hell am I to disqualify Darwin’s theories based on my fears.

But when it comes to reality, then suddenly Roberta and I must part ways once again. I wonder if she will ever get me to come around to her way of thinking. I call her to tell her something really sad on a weekly basis lately. Stories of women around our age, late 40's, early 50's becoming widowed or dying themselves. Cancer, aneurysms, suicide, botched surgeries, foreclosures, bankruptcy, and of course, job losses were just some causes for the tragedies I would hear about whether through numerous grapevines including other parents at one of the schools my kids attend, our temple condolence email, or by reading the local suburban newspapers or facebook.

"Do not check your email! And stop reading the Daily Herald." Roberta said in an effort to cut off my sources of sorrowful information. "That is the problem with our society today. We hear about everything. When your father died we were in fourth grade and the only people who knew were our classmates, your relatives and the neighbors on your block. Now, someone dies and we hear about it in every suburb within a 50 miles radius. " It is too much. You can't fill your days with other people's problems."*

Then Roberta tells me I should watch "The Housewives of Beverly Hills." I hate reality television. Why does she watch reality shows which she admits to being addicted to, but does not want me calling her up with "real" reality? I am so confused.

*Editor's note: There is no editor. And I am paraphrasing Roberta because I do not have a good enough memory to recall exactly how she says things. I hope she does not sue me.

Walking the Dog in the Rain

Walking the dog.

I stop in front of a 96 Forest Drive.

I linger on their lawn.

The shades are drawn.

The house is quiet.

The light rain drifts lazily down from the bleak sky.

I find myself in a staring contest with an White Pine tree,

My eyes are unblinking before its naked branches.

The bark is worn a way in certain places

Exposing the brighter beige wood laying beneath the trunk’s outer surface.

A few lonely skinny branches extend out above the sidewalk,

And tiny tears are dripping slowly from them.

It makes me sad.

I blink.

The tree does not.

It sits on Forest Drive among the lawns, houses and driveways that replaced their namesake long ago.

Watch This! It is fabulous!

http://www.ted.com/talks/view/lang///id/1042

Who stole my Purpose and how can I get it back?

This will be the hardest thing I have ever done. I have to commit to everyday being filled with purpose and meaning. I can no longer waste time.

Here is my problem. I am supposed to find a passion, a life’s purpose. Every article, book, discussion, documentary and website leads to the same answer:

Do what you love and the money will follow.

This can be turned around into “What do you love to do?”

When you answer this question it is like winning the lottery. Now this is where I run into problems. I want to be comfortable financially but I don’t want to have to earn it. I want it to fall into my lap. I know. This is a common problem amongst humans, especially American humans.

Obviously the lottery is not a safe bet. Even with my crappy math skills, I can figure that one out. Marriage to the wealthy usually only happens for other wealthy people, so that was never an option. If I want a lot of money I will need to find a way to “earn” it. This is where finding my “passion” or “purpose” comes into play. If I find this all consuming “passion/purpose” then it will not feel like work and it will magically manifest itself into financial security for me and all my children and grandchildren. This leads to my second big problem:

I love doing nothing!

I can meander through life happily for days, weeks, months, years, even decades without accomplishing a thing.

Here is what I LOVE to do:

Watch television

Eat Cereal

Walk my dog

Read

Hang out with my girl friends

Surf the web (especially Huffington Post)

Sleep

So I need someone to tell me how in the hell I can make a living doing any of the things I love.

My Thoughts on Talent and Life

Talent without desire is a waste, an empty space. It doesn’t matter how smart you are, how clever you are, or how naturally talented you are. Unless you want something with all your heart and soul and are willing to be disciplined and determined about living the dream or achieving the goals then your talents no matter how great will simply evaporate.

We all get the same 24 hours in every day. How we choose to spend them will determine whether or not we get a return on our investment. Spend the time productively and see your personal profits rise like a sunflower reaching to the light. Spend the time like I do, wallowing in wishful thinking, and you will wilt in the shadows of other people’s sunshine.

Fallen

I have fallen in love with the barren trees

Leaving me an unfettered view of the birds.

Sitting on the Naked Branches and singing

Their voices sound clearer without the leaves surrounding and softening their songs.

I hear ghosts long gone from this earth.

When the trees are full and green is everywhere

I can only see the birds in my mind.

Are these phantom sounds seeping through the foliage?

The songs of lost loved ones reaching back to comfort me?

Is my mother a Ruby-throated humming bird, my father a sparrow, and my aunt a meadowlark?

Summer's warm air and thick foliage act as a fortress through which I cannot see.

In the fall the Truth appears clear as the cool blue sky returns.

The birds, their voices, their beauty in stillness staring back at me as I walk on the fallen leaves.

I am strangely aware these birds are the lost pieces of my soul.

The trees rooted into the earth where my loved ones have been encased for eternity, a resting place.

The earth is the source for the trees just as my mother was the source for me, and now they are one in the same.

Soon winter winds will blow the birds far from my ears and eyes.

I lay on top of her grave trying to feel closer to her and the earth.

The ground seals in my sorrow as I cry,

Listening to the birds bringing their last songs before heading south.

An Encore as another season slips by and my soul seems unearthed.