284 Days Until the Big Five-0

Why is it more fun to read about writers than it is to write? Is it like watching porn? Do you see something you simply know you would never engage in, yet it seems both fascinating and titillating. I guess that is what fantasies are for and perhaps the fantasy of writing something, a book, a play, a poem a memoir, seems so much more rewarding than the actual process. So should I fantasize my life away? I think I should. And furthermore, while the actual writing is slow and painful, trying to get anyone else to read it is ever more painful. Trying to get something published has got to be really hard, and I am adverse to hard work.

So, let’s say I write a story, and when I am done I like it enough to share it for some reason. Perhaps I want to share it so I can have other people tell me they like it. Okay, now I have it written, I read it, I convince one other person to read it, and they encourage me to “do” something with it. This is the scene in the porn flick where the sexy utility man shows up to fix my phone, computer, refrigerator, libido, whatever. Something is going to get connected. But suddenly the projector breaks down (is my age showing, do they still use projectors?). You see, to get anything published you have to do the paper work, the research, the fine tuning, revise first draft, second draft, revisie second draft, third draft, typing and re-typing and formatting and spell checking and grammar checking. No wonder sex seems so over rated. Because it cannot be like that porn film with a good looking utility guy and a bored housewife whose body looks even better AFTER giving birth to two or three kids. No, the hard work of publishing, is like the hard work of marriage, hell it takes all the joy and passion out of the words if I have to make them go to work for me and bring home the bacon. I just want that fleeting fantasy with no risk, no consequences, and plenty of multiple orgasms. So I guess my writing becomes more like masturbating. It is not a lot of fun, relieves a little tension, can be done alone, and in my case in less than 2 or 3 minutes. I am sure it is different for guys, but they have their own porn fantasies and I would look shitty in a white nurse’ uniform so I think I will just stick to my own little world of words. This way I get to be the director as well as the writer. Thank the lord none of my appliances have broken down lately, because I know only to well what the repairman really looks like.